Washington, DC - After an uncharacteristically boring week in the news cycle, veterans across the country are unsure of what to be offended by.
"I've been surprised at how slow it's been this week, frankly," Sergeant Smith, who served in the Infantry, expressed during an interview. "Most of us vets are usually looking for something to get butt hurt about. It would have been nice if a celebrity could have turned down a Marine Corps Ball YouTube invite, or at least said that 'Troops aren't heroes,' or something."
A growing trend among current and former U.S. Service members has been to perceive any slight as an egregious affront to their service and everything it stands for.
"Some of us have sacrificed everything that's important to us... And for celebrities to notice that, and refuse to offend my service is downright unacceptable," Smith continued. "I was hoping I would get the John Rambo treatment from the movie 'First Blood,' but so far everyone has been very kind and thankful for my service since I got out. It's bullshit. At this point I would just be happy with a restaurant refusing to offer me a military discount."
The sensitive nature of modern veterans has peaked in recent years. In 2013, a greeter at Wal-Mart was fired for failing to render a proper salute to a soldier who entered the store smartly wearing his camouflage uniform. Wal-Mart only fired the employee after a massive Facebook campaign yielded over 100,000 "likes," however.
Smith added, "Here's to hoping next week will be better. I plan on wearing my uniform to the mall this weekend, so anything could happen."
Look at me, I've got PTSD! That's the real attention-whore buzzword.
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