Sure the SECDEF is great, but can he tell why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch?

Washington, D.C. - The Department of Defense has been rocked by turmoil induced by a recent social media scandal. In response, the heads of various defense agencies are going out of their way to prove that they can compete in the digital arena just as effectively as young troops.

"I think we are at a point now where we need to be able to speak to the younger generation and show that, 'hey, we're cool too just like you kids!'" a Public Affairs Officer with the Pentagon disclosed.

The "fellow kids" strategy is bold, but not without precedent. In 2013, a senior Air Force general was scrutinized for dissiminating excessive amounts of "pokes" on Facebook. Air Force policy has since been revised to characterize such behavior as harassment.

The Secretary of Defense recently released a statement on the matter: "I want to be perfectly clear. You little shits aren't going to out maneuver me in the cyber domain. That's MY turf, fuckers."

"I will find out who is posting dumb shit online. And I can promise you that I will not hesitate to break off my keyboard in your freaking brain housing group," the SECDEF continued.

The statement has many young troops on edge. Despite the Secretary's pledge to "take the fight to the trolls," many are concerned that more senior leaders may be out of touch.

"Sure, he's learning the lingo and I get that he wants to appeal to my generation... but I can't help shake the feeling that he has no idea how to use social media," one youth commented.

A recent DoD wide survey may even validate such concerns. Beyond internet usage, senior military leaders were largely unable to connect with entry level service members on a large array of social issues. Namely, zero general officers interviewed were able to identify sugar as being the leading factor in kids' insatiable urge to consume unreasonable amounts of the popular breakfast cereal "cinnamon toast crunch."

"If the big dogs don't even know what kind of breakfast we're eating, how can we trust them to solve this fiasco?" A PFC stated in an interview.

Ultimately the clock is ticking on an official DoD response to the rash of online misbehavior. Ideally, these concerns will be put to rest pending a future "Anti-Troll Coalition."