DoD Releases First Official Service 'Power Rankings'

Washington, D.C. - In an unprecedented move, the Department of Defense has released its first official "Power Rankings" of all DoD services. The branches are ranked from best to worst in the following order:

1) Marine Corps
2) Coast Guard
3) Cyber Corps
4) Army
5) Air Force


The ranking was sure to include the new U.S. Cyber Corps, only announced earlier today. Surprisingly the new branch, which has yet to officially stand up, was already ranked #3 by the department.

A department spokesperson, Chad Smith, explained the impetus for the evaluation: "What we're trying to do is cash in on the recent popularity of power rankings. Currently lots of pundits make their own rankings for various sporting franchises, and that really lines up with the competitive nature that we're looking for here at the DoD."

The rationale behind the rankings was not difficult to understand for most people at home. The Marine Corps, for example, received over 900 first place votes, out of an electorate of roughly 950 voters. "Obviously we've got the Marines coming in at first. I don't think anyone was surprised by that," Smith expounded. "The Coast Guard comes in at a solid second place based on all that sweet, sweet, Homeland Security money they're currently rolling in. Also, Cyber Corps made a lot of offseason acquisitions that we thought looked pretty strong heading into the season."

The decision got more difficult when rounding out the bottom two slots. "The Army just barely edged out the Air Force for this inaugural ranking. The fact that they've opened Ranger School to women showed that they have the capability to adapt to society's evolving standards, even if Ranger School is completely pointless," Smith explained. "The Air Force, however, is just all around lame."

The initial listing has not proven popular with such a large preponderance of military forces currently serving in both the Army and the Air Force. Ultimately, however, the DoD is hopeful that the power rankings will ignite a more competitive nature between the services with the intent of yielding a better product on the battlefield.