New York, NY - The bizarre case of Yankees Pitcher CC Sabathia took a strange turn Monday evening when Manager Joe Girardi announced that he was ordering the star player to enlist in the United States Marine Corps.
"It was a difficult decision but ultimately I think we're making an investment in our pitching squad," Girardi explained. "CC is going to come back to us in a few years as a hardened warrior ready to lead the Yankees to more championship baseball."
This will not mark the first time that a professional athlete walked away from the game to put on a military uniform, but it might very well be the first time that a player's manager has ordered it. Many are speculating that the enlistment is stemming from alcohol related issues that have arisen prior to the Yankees American League Wildcard appearance.
"Marine Corps boot camp is, without a doubt, the best detox center out there," a Marine spokesperson described. The statement is misleading, though, since alcoholism rates in the Fleet Marine Force exceed those in the baseball community.
CC Sabathia, however, is taking the order in good stride. "Frankly I'm excited about it. I'll get to serve my country and learn valuable skills that I can bring back to this fine organization after my tour is over."
The order has some scratching their heads, however. A Marine recruiter, Staff Sergeant Clauer, explained that there could be some concerns with this enlistment. "Well, taking one look at Mr. Sabathia I can already tell you we're dealing with a recruit who is going to have to lose a significant amount of weight prior to shipping to the depot. Additionally, I'm going to have to work an age waiver, too. It is what it is though, if the Marine Corps wants to ship a celebrity to boot camp then they'll find a way to make it happen. We're just here to make sure Mr. Sabathia is taken care of."
Sabathia has 30 days to report to boot camp according to Girardi's marching orders. The manager explained, "At the end of the day, we're excited to see what he can do. If he can lock on the Platoon Guide position, then he should be set up for success and we'll be talking about a locked on PFC here in a few short months."
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